Author: Me

If you ever watched an episode of Two and Half Men (and thanks to Channel 9, who hasn’t) or The Big Bang Theory or CSI: Crime Scene Investigation or Dharma & Greg or Cybill or a bunch of other Emmy Award Winning TV shows you’ve seen the work of Chuck Lorre Productions.

But thanks to the deplorable way in which stations cut from the final scene of a TV show or movie and play promos for other programs, rarely do we see the credits as produced and originally aired. For example, over the credits of 30 Rock (produced by Lorne Michaels, not by Chuck Lorre) there is usually another gag or two – that we never get to see. Actually I do see them because I download 30 Rock because I hate watching FTA so much.

You also won’t see what is becoming one of the funniest ‘in jokes’ in TV; Chuck Lorre’s Laws. Firstly a ‘Vanity Card’ are the quick slides that flash past after the credits. Usually there is a single slide (a vanity card) for the production company or companies and the distribution company. Some times these are short animations with a sting (short music bit).

But Chuck Lorre Productions create a new vanity card for almost every episode of every series they make. Below is a sample which you won’t. And most of them are pretty funny.

Take a good look at the picture news.com.au used to illustrate their story about a United Airlines flight having to make a landing because it was low on fuel. That plane landed without difficulty, refuelled and took off. Why UA flights are running out of fuel is another matter. The image that has been used clearly depicts a UA flight that landed a couple of weeks back with a landing gear issue and made an emergency landing, with the starboard undercarriage failing to lock in position.

That didn’t happen in the story being reported. That some sub-editor or picture editor has picked a misleading image is sadly tyical of this publication. It is a rag in paper and equally so online.

Just spent an hour doing what any real coder would have done in 30 seconds. My first iPhone app may be in beta by the time we’re embedding chips in our heads. But there is great satisfaction in figuring these things out for oneself.

The dirty little secret about the internet is that if not for the porn industry it probably wouldn’t exist today. Or if indeed there was a version of the internet that started without the massive investment of the porn industry it would be vastly different than what we enjoy today.

The whole concept of displaying images via the internet was thanks to the porn industry. There’s only so much you can do with letters to the editor that start off something like; “Dear Penthouse, I read your letters every month and never thought anything like this would ever happen to me…(insert details of threesome, the good kind, here).

Then consumers demanded video. The porn industry delivered. Then instant messaging. Helllllo, porn industry. And of course the porn industry is like any other enterprise and wants to be be paid for the services offered. So they developed the technology for high security payment platforms years before the banks had heard of internet banking.

There’s a famous story about a research group at HP testing the technology of a scanner they had just invented. They wanted to email the scanned image to colleagues in the UK over the internet and determine if the result was acceptable by comparing it the original image. How do you get the original image to them for comparison? Their solution was to scan an image from a publication that is printed identically around the world. They chose Penthouse. As it turns out Miss November in the US is the same Miss November in the UK

The latest advance that the porn industry is leading us towards is 3D TV. smh.com.au has a story about it here.

In his latest movie ‘The Invention of Lying’, Ricky Gervais lives in a world where everyone always tells the truth no matter how insulting it may be. There is no such thing as being able to tell a lie. Not whoppers and not little white harmless ones. Until one day Ricky Gervais develops the skill to lie.

“Of course I’ll respect you in the morning.”

The premise is the reverse to the Jim Carrey movie ‘Liar, Liar’ where by some magical circumstance Carrey’s character finds he must always tell the truth. Always!

“Yes, your bum does look big in those pants.”

Both scenarios create humours social interactions (actually they don’t really but stay with me) which I’m not going to outline here – rent the movies. Or even better, download them.

Lying in all its forms is nothing more than hiding from the truth. But lying can be instigated through fear. The fear of repercussions, the unknown. It can then be argued somewhat circularly that we are fearful of the truth. While it is said that the truth can set us free human nature is generally concerned not with freedom but with protection. Fear has become on a geopolitical scale the most insidious method or tactic by which governments of all flavours control the will of the people.

The answer is not to take on large and heavily organised governments or even subsets of them but to look within and find the strength to over our own individual fears. Beyond threat to life and limb of fire, sharp objects and the myriad of Australian creepy crawlies that surround us, but the simplest of things.

1. Answering the phone even when it says, ‘blocked’ number because it could be the bank asking for a payment.
2. Asking that girl in the café for lunch even though she might say no.
3. Ringing the head hunter to ask the progress or result of an application even though they might say no.
4. Ringing someone to give them bad news just because it’s going to be a hard conversation.
5. Do the work/chore/whatever now and stop procrastinating.

Add to my list in the comments section the things that you fear. Perhaps it’s writing in the comments section of someone’s blog because other people might see it and think you’re weird…

Each year in Australia there are about 10 mega draw lotteries. These are the ones where the first division prize is more money than God.

Last night one such draw for $40million took place and was one by a single individual who will now have more ‘friends’ than God.

Mostly people who win these prizes are broke again in a short period of time. They may have some trinkets and some cars and some property but generally the lion share has been pissed up against a wall or given to family and friends.

The only way IMHO to act when something like this comes your way is to do nothing.

My emergency plan for what to do when a multi multi million dollar lottery prize comes my way:

1. As the money doesn’t actually arrive for a couple of weeks (Police checks and anti-fraud test are conducted) it’s planning time.
2. Create a team: lawyer, accountant, financial planners.
3. Have the lawyer and accountant create a charity.
4. Get the financial planners to start looking at investment options. Step one here is to open a margin account offset against 100% of the winnings. You’ll see why this is important later.
5. The aim of this plan is give away 100% of the interest earned every year. But remember, we now have two piles of cash; the winnings and the margin loan.
6. Invest both, not conservatively and not outrageously risky either. A little risk is good. A lot of risk is heart attack city.
7. Now create another team of advisors from business, charity, science and the arts. Three from each area are required.
8. Promote the charity and ask for submissions from the public as to where the money should go. Remember, it’s just the interest that’s being given away not the principle so you can do this every year.
9. Have your team review all submissions and vote on two winning entries from each category.
10. The president of the charity can award an overall winner to one of the eight semi finalists.
11. Each winning submission (2 from each of 4 categories being 8 in total) receive 1/10th of the interest earned for that year. Another 1/10 is given as the presidents prize. 1/10 is reinvested so that the principal always grows so each year there should be even more money to give away.
12. Eg assuming a lacklustre 10% return on $40mil each recipient would get about $400,000 dollars. The next year they would get $410,000. SImple figure only and counting taxes or fees etc.
13. The other $40mil margin loan is earning interest at the same rate but costing 5% in interest making a gross return of $2million pa. Who couldn’t live, very fucking happily, on $2M pa and have given away over $3.6M to worthy recipients.

Hi all,

The ridiculousness continues. The funny looks I get while sitting in cafés is only matched by the jokes made at my expense while sitting in meetings – you know who I’m talking about!

Alas, my pain is eased somewhat by the knowledge that I am helping to support not one but two very worthwhile causes.

So below you can see the embarrassment that my slow-grow-mo is causing – I wish my hair grew that slowly. (By the way, it’s the same colour shirt, not the same shirt as last week)

Big big big thanx to my big sister who coughed up some cash last week. Sorry about hiding those cicada shells in your bed when we were growing up.

Standard blurb begins…prize for those who find the hidden donation link below! (Oh, and I also have a new twitter handle – it’s down the bottom)

Once again I am growing a moustache for Movember. I have decided to put down my razor for one month (November) and help raise awareness and funds for men’s health – specifically prostate cancer and depression in men. Let me assure you, the second one is no fun at all and I imagine the first one is even less so.

What many people don’t appreciate is that close to 3,000 men die of prostate cancer each year in Australia and one in eight men will experience depression in their lifetime – many of whom don’t seek help. Facts like these have convinced me I should get involved and I am hoping that you will support me.

To sponsor my Mo, you can either:

• Click this link and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account
• Write a cheque payable to ‘Movember Foundation’, referencing my Registration Number 19205 and mailing it to: Movember Foundation, PO Box 292, Prahran, VIC, 3181

Remember, all donations over $2 are tax deductible.

Movember is now in its sixth year and, to date, has achieved some pretty amazing results by working alongside The Prostate Cancer Foundation (PCFA) and beyondblue: the national depression initiative. Check out further details at: http://au.movemberfoundation.com/research-and-programs.

If you are interested in following the progress of my Mo, click here http://au.movember.com/mospace/19205/. Also, http://au.movember.com has heaps of useful information.

Thank you

16 NOV

10 NOV

Regards,
Craig Ashley Russell

For Movember you can donate right here http://au.movember.com/mospace/19205

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