Tag: Buddhism 101

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Project L What I Think

15: I’ll be happy when…

I remember the first time I had this thought. I’ll be happy when I get a bike. The pedal kind. That’s how young I was. Sure, as a pre-teen, my mind was not really considering the ramifications of basing my happiness on external things. Happiness for me then was defined as food and other basic necessities which were mostly delivered by mum and dad.

As my interest in photography grew so did my desire for new gear. I needed the latest and greatest, I thought. At that age not realising that the greatest images taken to that time had been captured with little more than a Kodak Box Brownie.

So the cycle continued and grew and diversified into other areas. I secretly congratulated myself on achieving all my ‘goals’ of acquiring the things I wanted. In reality, all I’d been doing was acquiring debt for things; nothing very clever about that.

It took a long time, many credit cards and massive life-changing event to realise these things were actually doing the opposite for me. I’d like to say that I have changed my ways entirely but the truth is I still like nice things. There’s a Mercedes-AMG GT with my name on it somewhere in my future. I do not however

I had a chance meeting many years ago with a very wealthy Australian fashion brand owner who steered (pardon the pun) me in the right direction. While giving me a tour of his new Ferrari F430 he said, “I never buy anything like this unless I can afford to pay for it three times over.” He wasn’t trying to be a wanker or show off. But it was a lesson well learnt.

I’m pretty sure I own fewer things now than at any other point in my life. My tools are generally not the latest but function very well. The toy, trinket and gadget collection has shrunk considerably in the past decade. But my experiences have grown monumentally.

This guy says it best.

Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves, such as affluence or social standing. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, it shatters easily when external conditions alter. Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by difficulties, and where just being alive is a source of great joy.

Daisaku Ikeda
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16: Happiness starts with appreciation

Tis the season to be jolly. So why are so many people not? The pressure we put on ourselves, and others, to deliver a TV level of Christmas perfection causes more angst than merriment.

Many years ago I relaxed both my expectations of others and perceived expectations put on me. I used to buy (literally) into the ‘dollars equals love’ bullshit equation. Guess what?

Best. Christmas. Ever.

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17: Do I have to say this? Do I have to say this now? Do I have to say this now to this person?

Ah Christmas. I’ve been very fortunate to have never experienced the family dramas that many seem to endure. Mostly due to the fact that my family was very small. For many years it mum and dad, big sister and me, a grandmother and great-grandmother. Then the great-grandmother died. Then mum and dad got divorced and it became just mum. Then my big sister got married. Then had number 1 daughter. Then number 1 son. Then grandmother died. Then I got married the first time and my family exploded. Then mum died. Then I got divorced. Somewhere along the way, dad came back. Then I got married again so my family grew again. Then number 1 daughter got engaged and now married so the family is fucking enormous. Lots of personalities with opinions that need to be shared through the amplification of alcohol.

The above quote is from Craig Ferguson, a Scottish-American actor-comedian and recovering alcoholic who uses this little ditty at family functions and other events to curb his enthusiasm for pointing out other people’s idiotic points-of-view.

From this point, he arrives at Harmony. A destination not oft visited by many including yours truly until recently. It is such a pleasant locale unlike the nearby towns of I’m Right and You’re Wrong.

But the real beauty of Harmony is how easy it is to get to.; just follow the directions above.

Ho. Fucking. Ho.

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20: Being first is most important when saying ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry’

I like it when people say ‘thank you’ to me. And if someone feels they need to apologise hearing ‘sorry’ becomes the starting point to forgiveness or at least not developing resistance.

In reality, I’m mostly the one saying ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’, especially to Mrs Russell.

Little words that convey enormous sentiment. However, I’ve found they must be used authentically and sincerely to be of any value. Used otherwise and one risks being considered disingenuous.

 

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23: Don’t be second to wave.

A variation on the motorcycle riders’ etiquette where riders will nod at each other when stopped at traffic lights or when passing on an open road. One can end up with a sore neck after a day of riding some of the more popular weekend routes especially around the Royal National Park or Old Pacific Highway.

The reason to nod first is that if one waits to see if the other rider is going to acknowledge them the moment has passed. Two bikes approaching each other at 60+ km/h pass one another at 120km/h. Literally the blink of an eye. There is a certain camaraderie between motorcyclists which I certainly enjoy and enhances the pleasure of riding two wheels.

The same is true I’ve found when seeing an old acquaintance or former work colleague (or a Facebook ‘friend’) IRL. A tendency may be to hide or ignore the other person out of fear or embarrassment. I’ve certainly experienced this from others and have been guilty of it in the past. The moment passes and an opportunity is lost.

So much easier to say g’day and see where things go from there. At the very least I’ve found my day improves no matter what the result.

That’s how I got my current wife.

NB: The ‘nod’ does not apply to scooter riders, trikes, three wheel abominations or Harley riders. It’s mainly for German, Italian, English and Japanese manufactured bike owners. The ‘wave’ applies to everyone.

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25: Between white and black are a million shades of grey

Yes/No. Right/Wrong. Left/Right. Party A/Party B. Science/Religion. Climate Change Believers/Climate Change Fuckwits.

What happened to nuance? Intelligent debate? ‘Blink‘ seemed to make everyone react rather than consider. I know I certainly fell into that category.

I heard a story a while back about lawyers and email. Between high school and art school, I intended to have a grand old time doing fuck all. My mother thought not so much and found a job for me in the mailroom of what was then top tier law firm Phillips Fox which no longer exists. Before the w’s and everyonewas@somethingdotwhatever, there was mail. My days were spent running around the big end of town delivering mail to and collecting from clients, barristers’ chambers and other law firms. Once I even had to serve court papers on a company but they had to be retracted when they discovered I was under 18, but I digress save to say it was a great job for four months. I also left with enough stationery and other supplies to see me through a three-year bachelor’s degree. Now and then I also had to take massive trollies of documents up to the Supreme Court and retrieve them in the afternoon… untouched.

But why lawyers like hard mail is because they were not under any pressure to reply immediately to incoming correspondence. They could the day or two to ponder all aspects of the communication then properly formulate their response by dictaphone before sending it off to the typing pool whereupon once typed it was returned to the authoring solicitor for proofing, amendments, signature and finally to yours truly to be delivered… eventually.

It is the ponder-time which is most important. That time for considered thought seems to be greatly reduced if not lost with email. Now I love email as much as the next (except for the spam which is implying both my penile function and sex life are in dire straights).

Nuance comes with considered thought. It is the ‘other’ option, the bigger idea, the better idea or as Buddhists put it, the middle way. The issue exists not only for legal practitioners. Instant gratification also means instant response. We stare at the dots while someone composes their txt reply. We get impatient when we see a text is read yet no dots are forthcoming. When I say ‘we’ I, of course, mean ‘me’ and ‘I’. When I reduced the pressure on myself to take time when replying (minutes instead of moments) I found my responses were simply better; more considered, more relevant, more valuable.

Some replies will always live in the world of white and black. Knowledge transfer. Facts and figures etc. But when I started to delay and think more, a whole world of opportunities opened up in front of me.

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